Today, TV channels focus more on men's sport than on women's sport

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 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #6084
Question:
Today, TV channels focus more on men's sport than on women's sport. Why has this happened? Should TV channels give equal time to women's and men's sports?​​​​
Answer 1
It is irrefutable that in the present scenario, men's sports are gaining more popularity than women's sports...

Undoubtedly, there are umpteen reasons why men's sports are burgeoning day by day. The prominent factor is the television point rating...

Another significant aspect is that most women do not like to take an interest in sports events. Many researchers believe that in the twenty-first century, tremendous females are less interested in watching sports channels than men...

Admittedly, in my opinion, all television channels should focus more on women's sports. It will develop women's interest in sports activities...

To conclude, there is no doubt men's sports events are proliferation. Still, it is the onus of television channels to prioritize women's sports and evolve the interest in sports activities...
Band: 7
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Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words35715844%
Top 300 Words163 (45%)51 (32%)31%
300 - 1000 Words60 (16%)33 (20%)55%
Over 1000 Words134 (37%)74 (46%)55%
Other Comments (jarry)
Link Words: 12 (including link phrase: 0)
Sentences: Number: 18; Average Length: 121 characters; Words/Sentence: 19
Suggestions:
IELTS Essay Format:
-The essay is too long, try to shrink it.
-The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
-You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has sports(19), and(8), are(7), television(7), events(7), more(6), women's(6); try to decrease duplicated words.
-High-ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing; suggest rephrasing some.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.
-You can improve coherence and cohesion by sharpening sentences and paragraphs with accurate linking words.