Many famous sports players advertise on sports products

IELTS Writing Task 2 (Essay): Hints and Sample Answers
Stories of USA Today
Materials for Reading & Listening Practice
 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #6085
Question:
Many famous sports players advertise on sports products. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Answer 1
Nowadays, advertising is everywhere: pop-up ads on the Internet, advertisements on TV, flyers and billboards in the street, and posters on public transport...

On the one hand, sports teams or players are given free equipment they could not afford. Consequently, players can focus on their sports careers instead of being distracted by financial worries...

On the other hand, some companies advertise products that are harmful to health. The tobacco industry creates associations between smoking and sports due to advertising in tennis, golf, swimming, and football...

In conclusion, although sports advertising has certain disadvantages, like unhealthy product ads and connections between sponsor companies and sports teams or players, it has a highly positive impact on the financial situation of athletes and the proliferation of brands...
Band: 6.5
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Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words28014652%
Top 300 Words122 (43%)43 (29%)35%
300 - 1000 Words32 (11%)23 (15%)71%
Over 1000 Words126 (45%)80 (54%)63%
Other Comments (daana)
Link Words: 25 (including link phrase: 1)
Sentences: Number: 13; Average Length: 140 characters; Words/Sentence: 21
Suggestions:
IELTS Essay Format:
-You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has and(12), sports(9), advertising(7), for(6), can(4), players(4), companies(4); try to decrease duplicated words.
-High-ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing; suggest rephrasing some.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.
-Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
Task Response:
-The main ideas are extended and supported; the response is ok.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-The organization is evident, and cohesive devices are used, though mechanically.
Lexical Resources:
-Lexis is mainly appropriate for the task, though there are some errors in word choice.