Giving pocket money to children is very common in many countries

IELTS Writing Task 2 (Essay): Hints and Sample Answers
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 IELTS General Essay Answers - #6815
Question:
Giving pocket money to children is very common in many countries. To what extent do you agree and disagree?
Answer 1
Giving pocket money to children has become a common trend in many countries. Some people believe that it might hurt teenagers, but I think it will bring numerous youngsters life changes to manage finances at an early age...

Undoubtedly, there are many reasons behind this positive attitude, and it will help teenagers learn finance-related skills in the future...

Secondly, petty cash develops the financial ability of teenagers in the early stages of how to use it wisely...

On the other hand, some people believe a large amount of pin money gives children a chance to buy favorite things such as toys, cold drinks, chips, and chocolate...

To conclude pocket, many give youngsters knowledge about using money in daily life and developing decision-making skills...
Band: 6.5
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Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words36217046%
Top 300 Words209 (57%)64 (37%)30%
300 - 1000 Words56 (15%)40 (23%)71%
Over 1000 Words97 (26%)66 (38%)68%
Other Comments (jarry)
Link Words: 15 (including link phrase: 1)
Sentences: Number: 21; Average Length: 102 characters; Words/Sentence: 17
Suggestions:
IELTS Essay Format:
-The essay is too long, try to shrink it.
-The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
-You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has money(15), and(8), pocket(7), children(7), will(6), are(6), this(5); try to decrease duplicated words.
-High-ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing; suggest rephrasing some.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.
-You can improve coherence and cohesion by sharpening sentences and paragraphs with accurate linking words.
Task Response:
-All parts of the prompt are addressed, and a position is presented.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-The organization is evident, and cohesive devices are used, though rather mechanically.
- Help Link
-Some sentences are wordy or too long to understand.
Lexical Resources:
-Lexis is mainly appropriate for the task, though there are some errors in word choice.