Some people think that children should be raised by all the family members (including uncles, aunts, and grandparents) rather than only parents

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 IELTS General Essay Answers - #6831
Question:
Some people think that children should be raised by all the family members (including uncles, aunts, and grandparents) rather than only parents. Give your opinion.
Answer 1
People are divided into the views whether a juvenile should be upbringing in a joint family, whereas others believe they should grow up in a nuclear family...

Undoubtedly, there is an umpteen number of brighter sides for children to live with the whole family...

On the other hand, those who argue that the upbringing of the youngster is fruitful in the nuclear family...

In my ideology, both perspectives have their own merits, but living with a joint family is quite beneficial for the children...

To conclude, living with a joint family brings lots of merits for children and their parents. The youngster can know the value of their relationship and have more respect for their elders...
Band: 7
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Answer 2
As parenting has become a challenge in the modern era, some people believe that parents are responsible for the upbringing of their offspring...

It's a common belief that good parenting starts from home. Children always follow their parents as role models...

Alternatively, if the mother or father is a homemaker and capable of balance between children and work, then the upbringing must be the first responsibility of parents...

Hence, the upbringing of children depends on parents' commitments to work. Nevertheless, minors raised by parents are relatively more productive and confident than others...
Band: 6
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Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words32316551%
Top 300 Words168 (52%)59 (35%)35%
300 - 1000 Words52 (16%)39 (23%)75%
Over 1000 Words103 (31%)67 (40%)65%
Other Comments (ah)
Link Words: 26 (including link phrase: 1)
Sentences: Number: 19; Average Length: 106 characters; Words/Sentence: 17
Suggestions:
IELTS Essay Format:
-You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has parents(10), their(10), children(8), and(6), that(5), are(4), for(3); try to decrease duplicated words.
-High-ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing; suggest rephrasing some.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.
Task Response:
-The reasoning and logic are sound. Adding one more supporting point will enhance the essay.