Some parents believe that cell phones are harmful to children, while others disagree

IELTS Writing Task 2 (Essay): Hints and Sample Answers
Stories of USA Today
Materials for Reading & Listening Practice
 IELTS General Essay Answers - #6834
Question:
Some parents believe that cell phones are harmful to children, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Answer 1
In the technology era, the mobile phone has become ubiquitous; we can see electronic gadgets in every individual hand, although children are also indulged in this line...

Undoubtedly, people are living in the twenty-first century, where the mobile phone has become a significant part of life...

By contrast, those who argue that using the latest technology equipment has a detrimental impact on children...

In my ideology, people are living in the contemporary era, and they know that scientists have discovered the latest innovation welfare of society...

To conclude, every gadget has advantages and disadvantages; it is the duty of juveniles how to use it and the primary responsibility of parents and teachers to be aware of youngsters' correct usage of the latest technology equipment...
Band: 7
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Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words46220845%
Top 300 Words233 (50%)61 (29%)26%
300 - 1000 Words53 (11%)36 (17%)67%
Over 1000 Words176 (38%)111 (53%)63%
Other Comments (jarry)
Link Words: 28 (including link phrase: 3)
Sentences: Number: 23; Average Length: 123 characters; Words/Sentence: 20
Suggestions:
IELTS Essay Format:
-The essay is too long, try to shrink it.
-The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
-You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has and(12), are(11), that(9), they(9), mobile(8), technology(5), phone(5); try to decrease duplicated words.
-High-ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing; suggest rephrasing some.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.