Earlier, people wore clothes that were related to their traditions

IELTS Writing Task 2 (Essay): Hints and Sample Answers
Stories of USA Today
Materials for Reading & Listening Practice
 IELTS General Essay Answers - #6835
Question:
Earlier, people wore clothes that were related to their traditions. But now, people wear the same type of clothes worldwide. Is this a positive development or a negative development?
Answer 1
It is irrefutable that clothes represented people's culture and religion during the ancient days; however, nowadays, people like to wear similar clothes around the globe...

Undoubtedly, there is an umpteen number of brighter sides of Western clothes for folks. First and foremost, people are living in the contemporary era, where all individuals like to wear similar types of attire...

Admittedly, wearing traditional clothes, people do not do work in particular places such as offices, mines, and factories because every workplace has its discipline and requirements...

By contrast, those who say that traditional attire is more worthwhile for demos and their religion...

To conclude, there is no doubt the merits of modern dress overshadow as to compare ethnic wear, but it has a detrimental impact on culture and religion...
Band: 6.5
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Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words41117843%
Top 300 Words190 (46%)55 (30%)28%
300 - 1000 Words101 (24%)44 (24%)43%
Over 1000 Words120 (29%)79 (44%)65%
Other Comments (jarry)
Link Words: 39 (including link phrase: 4)
Sentences: Number: 22; Average Length: 117 characters; Words/Sentence: 18
Suggestions:
IELTS Essay Format:
-The essay is too long, try to shrink it.
-The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
-You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has and(18), clothes(13), wear(9), for(9), that(8), they(8), people(7); try to decrease duplicated words.
-High-ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing; suggest rephrasing some.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.
-Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.