Many students take part-time jobs while studying in universities

IELTS Writing Task 2 (Essay): Hints and Sample Answers
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 IELTS General Essay Answers - #6836
Question:
Many students take part-time jobs while studying in universities. Is this a bad or good idea?
Answer 1
It is irrefutable that a part-time job has become a trend for youngsters during study in tertiary education...

Undoubtedly, doing part-time while at university brings several advantages for pupils. First and foremost, it is Independence for the student...

Admittedly, another positive side is that it brings the opportunity for students to gain valuable experience during their studies...

By contrast, those who advocate that pursuing additional jobs during the study is more fruitless for the student...

To conclude, there is no doubt the positive side is more of a part-time job than the opposing side...
Band: 6.5
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Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words42617641%
Top 300 Words217 (50%)54 (30%)24%
300 - 1000 Words84 (19%)34 (19%)40%
Over 1000 Words125 (29%)88 (50%)70%
Other Comments (jarry)
Link Words: 22 (including link phrase: 2)
Sentences: Number: 24; Average Length: 106 characters; Words/Sentence: 17
Suggestions:
IELTS Essay Format:
-The essay is too long, try to shrink it.
-The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
-You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has their(15), and(12), part-time(11), that(10), job(9), they(9), for(7); try to decrease duplicated words.
-High-ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing; suggest rephrasing some.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.