Many people can't speak or present well in public

IELTS Writing Task 2 (Essay): Hints and Sample Answers
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 IELTS General Essay Answers - #6843
Question:
Many people can't speak or present well in public. Some people think speaking well in public is important, so the training should be from school. Do you agree or disagree?
Answer 1
Some masses advocate that school is a crucial part of pupils' lives. They can easily attain public speaking traits from there...

Undoubtedly, in the present scenario, a tremendous of people have to face glossophobia and share their views in front of the public...

Admittedly, teachers are playing a prominent role in pupils' lives. It is the onus of teachers and school management to cater to this essential attribute at the initial stage...

Many folks argue that those people who are affluent at public speaking. They can become an outstanding leader and motivational speaker in their life...

To conclude, no doubt learning a public speaking skill at the initial stage of school, while at an early age, the minds of children are more active, and they can quickly gather appropriate knowledge...
Band: 6.5
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Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words47118338%
Top 300 Words261 (55%)62 (33%)23%
300 - 1000 Words81 (17%)42 (22%)51%
Over 1000 Words129 (27%)79 (43%)61%
Other Comments (jarry)
Link Words: 35 (including link phrase: 8)
Sentences: Number: 26; Average Length: 105 characters; Words/Sentence: 18
Suggestions:
IELTS Essay Format:
-The essay is too long, try to shrink it.
-The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
-You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has and(16), public(12), they(10), speaking(8), this(8), their(8), school(6); try to decrease duplicated words.
-High-ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing; suggest rephrasing some.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.