A gift, such as a soccer ball or an animal, can contribute to a child's development

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 IELTS General Essay Answers - #6621
Question:
A gift, such as a soccer ball or an animal, can contribute to a child's development. What gift would you give to help a child develop? Why? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice.
Answer 1
Either a soccer ball or an animal can be a nice gift for children. When it comes to choosing gifts, considering children's development, a soccer ball can offer numerous benefits compared to giving them an animal as a pet...

Firstly, a soccer ball promotes physical activity and exercise, which are essential for children's overall health...

Additionally, soccer provides opportunities for skill development and personal growth. As children practice and improve their soccer skills, they experience a sense of accomplishment and self-confidence...

On the other hand, giving an animal as a gift comes with significant responsibilities and considerations...

In conclusion, a soccer ball is a better gift choice for a child's development because it promotes physical activity, social skills, personal growth, and a sense of belonging without the significant responsibilities and considerations associated with pet ownership...
Band: 7
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Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words31514846%
Top 300 Words148 (46%)47 (31%)31%
300 - 1000 Words48 (15%)28 (18%)58%
Over 1000 Words119 (37%)73 (49%)61%
Other Comments (zheelongchou)
Link Words: 31 (including link phrase: 0)
Sentences: Number: 18; Average Length: 115 characters; Words/Sentence: 17
Suggestions:
IELTS Essay Format:
-You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has and(21), soccer(12), children(6), ball(5), animal(5), gift(5), for(5); try to decrease duplicated words.
-High-ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing; suggest rephrasing some.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.
-Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.